Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Forza Horizon (single player)


sort of.

From the guys that brought you Burnout, comes Forza Horizon. Playground Games has taken the Forza franchise and unleashed it into Colorado's backyard. That's right you get to take your fanciest video game car and drive around the mountains.

I've been playing through the single player portion of the game, so I can't comment on the whole game, but what I have been playing has been great. The rush of legally driving well over 100 mph on hill after hill of curved road is just so damn fun. 

At the core of the single player is the Horizon festival. A car centered, music festival. It's all about racing, cars and loud dubstep. 
So you start out as a random guy in a random VW and you race to the race...? Yeah and then you get a yellow wristband. After that you race more and more to get different color wristbands leading you up to the big bad boss man Flint. So yes there is a very thin story line in the game, but it's more to show the passage of time and the progress through the game. 

Just like regular Forza games, you can buy new cars, then add performance parts to the cars to make them fast, better, stronger. You can also customize the exterior of the cars, with paint, vinyls and body kits. JUST LIKE REAL LIFE ONLY REALER!!!! And like the other Forza games you can jack other peoples designs and put them on your ride.
So essentially it's Forza 4 or 12 or whatever number they are on right now. The difference is really in the driving. It's somewhere between simulation and arcade. If you want to make it more simulation, all you gotta do is turn off the driver assists, like auto-braking, traction control and alike. This I recommend for those hardcore racing fans. If you are a casual racer leave them on, it will keep you from rage throwing your controller when you get passed up by A.I. drivers. 

Story wise, not much to say here. There's a top driver at Horizon and you have to make your way to the top and knock him off his perch. That's it, nothing more. no conspiracy, no undercover cops, no nothing. Oh well, who cares its a racer. 

The cars are no where near in the amount of the regular Forza games, I'd say a third of what you get in the other games, a bit of a disappointment, but nothing to cry about. You got some Lambo's, Ferrari's, and other expensive rides. There are some trucks and SUV's. There are some import tuners you can dress up, some muscle cars. So the diversity of cars is there, even if the numbers are small.  

Mode wise there isn't much either (save multi-player). There are some rally type races, where you can go dirt to asphalt and back, so rally fans don't despair, you can have fun too. There are lap races and point to point races too.

Definitely a buy if you are a race fan. A rent if you aren't, but still enjoy cars and thump thump music. 

there you go, short and sweet. 


Saturday, October 20, 2012

My Foot/Adam Sandler

Wow! Today started off fun! Woke up with a swollen foot. "How'd you do that?" everyone asked in swelling anticipation (chuckle's at pun). I have no freaking clue. It was hurting a little on Thursday  Friday went for a workout (that is so douche style to say that) and the foot was still only a little sore. Then today I woke up, stepped out of bed and blammo! swollen ouchy foot foot. 

So that was fun.


Just wanted to talk about some random movie and TV stuffs today.

Being parents, the Future Wife and I don't get out much, so we have to wait for movies we want to see to come out on Bluray or on Amazon instant, which by the by is pretty great if you are lazy and don't want to go to a store or Redbox thingy to rent. You might ask "Don't you have babysitters?" and we would then answer, "Yes, but they are friends, so we use them sparingly." Don't want to be those people that just dump their kids every chance we get. Plus it's not really worth it to go out to movies anymore, what with there only being one or two good movies coming out every two or three months. 

The other night I ask the Future Wife (aka the wife from the future, for she was sent back in time to save my ass) if she wanted to rent a movie. She said yes and the only thing we could agree on was the latest Adam Sandler movie that had come out. That's My Boy. Yippy I say. As of late Mr. Sandler has become the butt of movie reviewers jokes and sometimes they are not wrong to do so, but lets face facts, most movie reviewers are dicks and wouldn't know a good movie if it was having sex with their wives right in front of them. Sandler has done some pretty deplorable things in his movie career, Just Go with It, Jack and Jill, Spanglish and random parts like in Zookeeper. Yeah he will probably never win an Oscar and yeah he hasn't been funny since I don't know; Anger Management, but lets give him some "get out of jail free" cards. He had gotten married, which changes your priorities somewhat, and then he had kids, which kill your dreams, I mean make everything BETTER!! [no, really, baby = ruiner, emoticon semi-colon with close parentheses (get it <--)]  Sandler is older and less funny, it happens. Steven Seagal got more hair and more stomach and somehow that made him less threatening. 

I'm watching you watch me and Wayne's World.
That's My Boy is not his best, but at least he tried to go back to the raunch that got him where he is today. He drops the F-bomb a lot, which is okay, because it isn't a disney movie. The story is a bit bland and the only character that has any really background is Sandler's. Everyone else is secondary, including Andy Samberg's character who plays Sandler's son. Sandler play's Donny, who starts out as a teenage boy that knocks up his teacher, who has the baby (Samberg) in jail, who Donny has to take care of. Donny gets 80's B-list famous, then it peters out (thin).

Cameos of Sandler's friends are less apparent in this film, which sucks, instead we get the Jets head coach and the very unfunny and annoying Nick Swardson. Will Forte, but not enough.

So Todd aka Han Solo (no joke) played by Samberg hates his dad, is getting married and doesn't want anything to do with his dad. Donny owes the IRS money or he goes to jail. there it is, that's it. You can figure out the rest. Some gross things happen, but not too bad, until the end, when something happens. I will not spoil it for you, because you should watch it for yourself. It is a funny movie, but the troupes are good ol' romantic comedy/redemption troupes. 

One thing I would change throughout the whole movie is Sandberg's character Todd/Han Solo. He plays a straight and I mean the sexual straight, not the comedy straight. I would have made him gay, with everything that happens in the movie, it would be a better story line. Not that being gay is a big story line, but it would take the normalized, blind, weak, lover boy character into a new realm, plus how hard would it be for Samberg to play a gay character? He kissed other guys on SNL all the time. It's kind of become his thing.

In summation; That's My Boy isn't the worst movie Sandler has ever done, but by far not the best. Samberg is mostly stagnant, no one else stands out and Susan Sarandon plays the child molesting teacher... is this a thing that she does now? She played the same kind of character on 30 Rock. What is going on with her? She and that tall man are still together right? Is it menopause? Isn't she past the menopause thing? WTF lady? WTF? 

If you haven't seen it, you should, it won't make you pee your pants laughing, but it won't make you angry that you spent the three bucks to rent it, unless you went to the theater and spent way more. if you did you are a fool and I laugh at your foolish ways. 

XOXO Marlon Wayans' number one fan!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

A Girls Guide to Gaming and First Person Shooters

Disclaimer: This post is directed at beginners. I know there are girls out there who can outplay most of the boys ::cough::cough::Amanda::cough::Brandi::cough::Megan::cough::cough:: among many others! So you are not allowed to judge me, however, any other tips and opinions are appreciated in the comments section :)

If there is one thing I know all too well, it is the frustration that comes from living with an avid gamer, when you are not. Watching them play for hours a day (you think I'm exaggerating) can be boring and sometimes infuriating.  I can not tell you how many times I have sat on the couch, while Colin is playing some shoot-em-up game for the 18th hour that day, thinking "OMG just stop! THIS IS SO STUPID". That's because I didn't, and still don't fully understand first-person shooters. I am not good at them, so I hate them. Yes, narrow-minded, I know.

When Colin and I first met I was working at GameStop (he'll argue and say that it was when I worked at Sam Goody, but I don't count selling him CDs as meeting...but that's beyond the point). I knew NOTHING about video games. Zip.Zilch.Nada.

I figured since customers constantly asked about how games were, and I would either have to ask the boys, or re-iterate what I had heard them telling someone else earlier, maybe I should start playing. I should form my own opinions about the games. So I asked for a coworker to teach me.. I went to his house and we started playing Call of Duty. His idea of teaching me was running around killing me every five seconds..No tips other than "DUCK!". Not very effective when you don't know how to run let alone duck. Now, I wont mention any names ::ahem::Jared::ahem::, but he was a jerk ;P and I learned nothing. This brings us to my first tip.

#1. Don't ask someone to teach you.
They will get frustrated. You will get frustrated. You wont learn anything.

So after my Call of Duty experience, I was less than enthused about gaming. I felt like trying was pointless, I will just stick to Mario Party and that's the end of it.
Then this talk about a new game started going around. A wonderful game where you could build teddy bear guns and use your right bumper to slow down time while the game aimed for you. Awh yes, Fallout 3 <3.

#2. Playing first person shooters takes practice.
One of the main obstacles I personally faced with first person shooters, was the movements of the game. When I watched the boys play, everything was smooth and seamless. They made it look so easy. Then I went to play and the movements were jerky and inaccurate. Lame.
With VATS in Fallout 3 I was able to experience some of the fluidity that I saw when I watched the boys play Call of Duty.
As I played more and more, I started to become less and less dependent on VATS and was progressively able to produce the same fluid movements as the boys. Woohoo!

What was this?! I was actually ENJOYING a video game? I never thought I would see the day.

#3. Do NOT play video games with your significant other when you are just learning.
I REPEAT DO NOT! I have never been more angry at Colin in my life, than when we were playing video games together. I love him, but he is a jerk! He got mad, frustrated, yelled, you name it. O did I mention we were playing LEGO BATMAN?!?! What was supposed to be a night of superhero fun saving Gotham City, turned into me throwing the controller at him.

Lesson here? Boys are jerks and fun-ruiners.

And with that..

#4. Have fun. Who cares if you suck.
 One night when Colin was in class, I was watching Netflix alone at home. An invite to play Battlefield popped up on the TV screen. I went on simply to let Danny know that Colin was in class, and he told me to play then. Reluctantly I did.
I was horrible and died every other second, but I had SO much fun! I didn't even care how terrible I was doing.

Moral of the story? Give it a try. You never know, you may find that you actually enjoy the same damn Xbox that you were cursing for stealing your husband for a few hours yesterday.

You can find my blog here :)

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Most Anticipated Titles of the Rest of the Year! ehh.

Well it's that time of year; the time of year when all the major games start coming out. Usually starting in August games companies start releasing their big titles. 

It starts with Madden, which comes out same time every year. "Yea." he said somewhat enthusiastically. I for some reason got Madden this year (oh yeah I remember, I like football). This was not the best iteration of the game by far, but it was by far better than last years version. They took out the ability to use your created player in career mode, so that keep people from using their juiced up creation out of career, BOO I SAY! What if I want to use my steroided up monstrosity to impale Tom Brady's video game likeness? Whelp my friends, you can't. You have to start from scratch, so my short attention span says "FU! EA! F to the U." Then I start five new careers and forget why I'm mad. It's good, but can always be better and next year I'm sure they will fix one new small thing to get the Madden Addicts to buy it again and I probably will, then get sick of it and trade it in for a the 2013 version of Assassin's Creed (if we live through the Mayan Calenders end times). 


Assassin's Creed III comes out on the 30th of October, along with a bunch of other games this month. 
Let's rap, shall we? I'm excited for this one. I enjoy the Assassin's Creed series (minus boringhood...botherhood...brotherfoot...Brotherhood). The story is great and it's sequels actually seem to be evolving, which most sequel games seem like the same thing over and over and blah blah blah. COD being the worst perpetrator of this. Even my infant child hates that game. I got CODMW3 just to finish the story and got everything I asked for; a big ol' shit sammich.

Most of the people I play online with hate COD, not because of the gameplay (okay maybe), but because of the racist homophobic little kids and red neck retards that play and lets face it no one plays the single player campaign (except me apparently). 

So Assassin's Creed Squeeeeeeeeeee! This will be short. Everything I've seen on the interwebs looks amazing. That's it, that's all I've got, because I'm not press and can't go to the big press things where you get to see it in person or get demo's. Sad f'n face happening.

Next up, next month, speaking of sad faces, HITMAN!!!! WOOO! Love the first two then I stopped, thought about and wished there would be more, then there was and I was all like "WOOOooo. bloodmoney you suck." Now 47 is back and unlike Dishonored you don't get achievements for not killing people. YEA! MURDER$$$$!!!!

and another COD. yup. another one. are you happy? you should be. you're not, don't lie to yourself. you can lie to your kids, you can lie to your wife/husband, you can lie to you dog as he looks at you with the saddest eyes every,

but you can't lie to yourself, you are not happy that COD Black Opps II is coming and coming for your soul.

I will talk about Halo 4 later. Don't worry my Kittens

Talkative Spoiled Rich Girl. 

(that's what that show is about right? Horny teenagers with a lot of money.
It's like 90210, but with more money and less rape (surprisingly)). (((THIS)IS)SPARTA) :()) 

Honorable Mention:

WWE 13
Need for Speed: Most Wanted
Far Cry 3
Metro: Last Light
Crysis 3

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Last week Arkane Studios and Bethesda released Dishonored out on Xbox 360 PlayStation and PC. Woot woot. Good times where had by all. It takes a lot for me to enjoy a game in these thin idea times we live in. I mean lets face it video games are plagued by an influx of sequel after sequel. 


The premise of the game is that you play Corvo Attano the protector of the Empress who gets framed for her murder (thin). Then guess what happens, you have to prove your innocence by kicking the ass of the guys that framed you. And AND you live in a time of plague.

For some reason you get special powers from a dude named "The Outsider!" (thinner). They don't really explain the religious views of this fictional country. It's just one of those 'go with it' story lines that games usually have you deal with. 

Now you are a supernatural killer, who can go through the whole game without killing anyone! Yea! Now your powers and killing skills are rendered moot! (super thin) I think this was just a way to get the player to go through the game again in hopes that they would ignore the fact that there is no multi-player, which most games now have a multi-player of some sort. Which is a rant for another time. (fucking multi-player, go outside with you friends)

Back to the  no killing.

You can play through this game by not killing a single soul. Cool idea even if you are supposed to be an assassin bent on revenge and the rescue of the Empresses daughter. You can also play through the game by killing everyone! Hooray for anti-social behavior! Lets face it murder is fun and healthy! wait no... lets play through without killing. yeah, lets.

So great, good, neat, nice, we can play through without killing, what else can we do? Well you get all these cool powers

Possession (speaks for it's self)
Windblast (again speaks for it's self)
Dark Vision (lets you see through walls)
Bend Time (not really Einstein bending, more like slowing time)
Devouring Swarm (bunch of rats come out of no where and eat people)
Blink (teleportation and the coolest power by far, also the most useful)

Then you get Shadow Kill, Blood Thirsty, Agility and Vitality, which are all not as cool.

You get these powers from finding Runes made of whale bone (except Blink, which is a freebee). Did I mention that the world is powered by Whale Oil? No? Well it is (super thin).

So we got our powers and we got our mission, now what? Now we go out and play. 

The game play is first-person stealth, think Thief or Hitman; if Hitman was in fist person. You sneak and kill, kill and sneak. Use your powers in interesting ways, like slow time right when a guard is shooting at you, possess him and walk him in front of his own bullet, then let him loose and watch as said bullet kills him. Yea for ironic bullets! You can pretty much go anywhere in a level. There is a limit of course, otherwise one could just climb onto the highest rooftops and move around that way. "NO!" says Arkane. 
"You will walk where people can see you, you will not be out in the night, where it is harder to see you, you will not really be able to out-run bad-guys, you can, however, teleport!, so that's cool." Thanks I think.

The game is good, really good, fun even. Don't get your hopes up that you can do anything and go anywhere, because, well, you can't. They might say you can, but you are obviously limited by the game and the story. It's linear, you can only go in one direction; forward. Yes there are multiple ways it can end and multiple ways you can get there. Don't go thinking you can circumvent some of the main stories main troupes, which I wish I could have.

Now onto the main verdict: Rent, buy or leave it.

Buy it, if you are a real gamer and not some Neo-Nazi hate filled Call of Duty playing ten year old.

Rent it, if you are a casual gamer or someone who doesn't have a lot of money or time.

Leave it, if you are a moron. 

Thanks for reading!

XOXO Gossip Girl. (sexy thin)

Intro to the FUN!

To start with, I am a stay at home dad (hahaha laugh it up fuzz ball). but I have the best job ever. I get to make my kid lunch and clean her dirty diapers, I think that is much better than sitting at work watching a clock.

I am also a gamer and an avid movie watcher. I am lucky enough to have time to still play video games and watch movies.

Here is a list of what you can expect.

1. Straight up opinions of what I like what I don't like.
2. I will try and be funny, but I'm a dad now, so probably not gonna happen much outside of poop jokes.
3. I will throw in games, movies, TV, comics (when I can), music and some sports
4. Fun. I am doing this for fun and for my sanity. so I hope readers will have fun. You are more than welcome to have fun with me or make fun of me or not... fun.
5. I will rant. I might get a little overly opinionated, I will also make wild accusations about things, but I'm allowed this is my blog.

Thanks and enjoy!


Oh and a big thanks to Megan Eccles for the title of my blog. I think it was probably better than The Frog Dick Chronicles (thanks Jared)

and a big BIG thanks to my Baby Mama for helping me out with setting it up. I am stupid without you and you simmer my anxieties!