Friday, November 9, 2012

The Vampire Diaries and 7 reasons why it's okay for dudes.


I have been watching The Vampire Diaries for a while now and I wanted to explain why it's okay for guys to watch and not feel, queasy, when you admit to it.

1. THIS IS NOT FUCKING TWILIGHT!! It's just not. Yeah it's got romance and ooey gooey love, but think about it, what Vamp story doesn't have a little bit of that. There are no shinny vampires. No lip biting, dumbfounded brunettes, with a penchant for sitting in a corner knee to chest and hopping some dirty hippy from England will save them from their life of... I don't know trees and Oregon pot.

2. The diary isn't really that important. In fact it's only there for a few episodes in the beginning. I used to keep a diary/journal and I've had sex, like soooo many times, with a girl even.

3. There are sharp teeth, blood, beheadings, hearts ripped from chests (literally and figuratively *sob sob, sniffle sniffle*). It's actually has some good violence, which is part of being a vampire, you know kill to survive. 

4. The humans aren't just douchey teenagers who can only stand, hand on hip, or scream helplessly. There are adults! Adults who want to kill vampires! YEAH FOR PARENTING!!! 

5. HOT PEOPLE!!! Of course their are good looking, in shape 20-somethings who are pretending to be 17 year olds. It's TV and we can't have ugh-ohs hording the screen, yuck. The lead vamp is clean and washes his hair, the guy that plays his brother gives me abs envy. The lead chick is a Mila Kunis ripoff, but that's an okay thing, she even plays a Russian or Polish or something like that. Mila Kunis is a furriner right? FURRINER (I know I spelled that wrong, sound it out jackasses).

6. THERE'S A PLOT. It's even a decent plot that opens up as we go along. Witches, and stuffs. You will not fall asleep to it. It's not the same girl being a wishy washy butthole that can't pick between Sharkboy and Greasy Hair Guy. Is that even a good super power. At least SharkTurd knows KungFu or thinks he does. Congrats bitch you've gotten two guys to fight over you, now you can go join the line of sad and lonely bitches at the bar that are kicking themselves for not picking the properly hygiene proficient guy that wasn't trying TO EAT YOU! Yes the two bro-vamps are after the same girl, but it's actually not her fault (you'll see).

7. If you like Anne Rice vampires and want another good movie, this is the closest you're gonna get, for a long while. The vampires are sexy, conflicted, and have a hard time figuring out where the original vampires came from. That's pretty Anne Rice-y-ish. They are no where near as wordy and descriptive as Anne Rice is in her writings, but hey, it's TV and not a damn paper thing with scribbles on it. What's that called? Oh yeah toilet paper. No that's not it. Porno mags. No, no. Um, fudge... BOOKS! Yea!!!!!!!

So there you go! Seven whole reasons why it's okay to watch The Vampire Diaries. They are not the most solid and if you want, you can tell your girl "Yo baby I thought you'd like this, it's got love stuff in it." Or hell you can watch it when no one is around, who's gonna tell? Your dog? Dogs love Vampires! COME ON! And if you can't think of a good excuse, then I don't know, f@#k it, cut off your d!#k and put on some eye-liner if that's what it takes! this show is good!


  1. HEY THIS JUST MADE MY DAY! I call that the hot man show.

  2. For reals yo. Just don't read the books, they're pretty bad.

    However I still think you're a lady man for loving it.